Yaffa Family Law Group
By: Doreen Yaffa

Monday Message: December 14, 2020


Are You Buffering?

Have you ever caught yourself doing something just to avoid spending time on a task that may help you reach a goal? You were buffering.

Buffering is when we use something external to make us feel better temporarily. It isn’t just drinking or overeating when you’re stressed – it is also hiding from reality or procrastinating when you don’t want to put in the effort to reach a goal. Buffering is spending hours on your emails, thinking you’re making progress when you know you should be working on your business plan for 2021, or snoozing your gym alarm, telling yourself that you will do it later and then never going.

A lot of people that visit me are procrastinating on taking that next step of becoming divorced. They tell me that they have decided their marriage is over but have many (of what appear as valid) reasons (i.e. it’s the holidays, her mother is sick, the children are being homeschooled). Procrastination, believe it or not, is a form of buffering.

Someone, I knew once got involved in over drinking as a result of trying to buffer the reality of their failed marriage. They sought help and together with a therapist, we assisted them in dealing with the pain and move forward to taking action that made sense. Today, she is divorced, sober, and started a new career.

Can you imagine the possibilities of what you could accomplish and all the goals you could reach if you didn’t buffer, and instead let yourself face and work through the uncomfortable feelings?

Bad emotional feelings won’t kill us. They’re just feelings. Allow yourself to feel and move into the next chapter of your amazing life.

Wishing you an amazing week.

PS. Maybe consider sending this message to someone you care about.


Doreen Yaffa

Board Certified Marital & Family Attorney, Life Coach

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