Yaffa Family Law Group
By: Doreen Yaffa

Monday Message: June 18, 2020

Looking Forward: Building an Amazing Life
Are You Staying In Your Cave or Making Your Dreams a Reality?

Our primitive brains naturally seek out and like sameness. It would prefer to stay in the cave where it knows what to expect, irrespective of what it knows as good or bad.

Our primitive brain prefers to not explore or grow or be challenged. It will never let us reach our goals if it has its way.

When we set goals, they require us to do something different in order to grow. It is the only way to change.

When we venture out of our cozy (well maybe not that cozy) and familiar cave to learn more, expose ourselves to something new and different, our primitive brain thinks it is in danger. It tells us that this is a bad idea and we should go back to the cave.

This is why some people stay in toxic relationships. It is a comfortably known and uncomfortable. How sad is that?

What if you could tell your primitive brain you deserve better? You deserve to be respected and loved.

When we venture out of the cave, we set big goals for ourselves and put ourselves out there more, our primitive brain goes into panic mode. It starts freaking out. The primitive brain says, “Get back in your cave, this is a horrible idea.”

To reach goals, you need to experience failure. Sorry, but it just goes with the territory and is required for success. Your primitive brain immediately tells you that failure is bad, which makes sense because back in the days, if you failed as a cave person, you likely died.

Failure today might mean being rejected, losing, falling, or being embarrassed, etc.

The brain doesn’t know that you are trying to accomplish a new goal. As humans we can tame and control the primitive brain. We need to know and feel the discomfort and manage the feeling of being scared, embarrassed, uncomfortable, and challenged. We need to do this and permit the uncomfortable feeling to up level our life, relationships, businesses, and whatever it is that you want your life to look like.

When people tell me they are, “not able to,” “can’t do something,” “it’s too hard,” and on, what they are really saying is that their primitive brain has taken control of the situation.

Those bad feelings, anxiety, confusion and hurt that you are encountering is what is needed to get to the other side. There is no way around it.

It is rare to be so good at something that you get it right the first time.

I congratulate people when they fail. I say, “Hey, now you are one step closer to figuring it out. That’s great.”

Keep trying. Keep pushing. Keep experiencing. Keep failing. And most of all keep reaching for your dreams.
Stay healthy in mind and body.

Doreen Yaffa
Board Certified Marital & Family Attorney, Life Coach

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