Monday Message: May 11, 2020

More On The Manual And An Invitation

As the CEO of Yaffa Family Law Group, I take great pride in the genuine compassion and understanding our team provides our clients.

I believe that we have all been affected by divorce. Whether you have dealt with your own or were involved in the divorce of your parents, close friends or family members, we’ve all been impacted.

This is why I am happy to continue to offer services beyond legal representation like this Monday Morning Message and my new Friday webinars. Keep reading for your invitation to join me this Friday. First, let’s dig more into last week’s very important topic – the manual.

I discussed how we have manuals for other people. Reversely, one of the first things we need to understand, like it or not, adults have the freedom to behave however they like. That includes you.

There is nothing you have to ever do and there is nothing that anyone else has to do for you. We get to make a decision on what we do and many times we have to live with the consequences of the choices we make.

You get to decide to stay and accept people or make a change. But, do it from a place of knowing what you can control and what you can’t control.

I have a dear friend who is always late. No matter what, she runs 15-30 minutes behind schedule every time. I used to get frustrated with her. I would interpret her lateness to mean that she had no respect for the things I have going on. But,I love her and decided to be honest.

I told her, “Hey, I love our time together, but when you’re late it makes it hard for me to keep on schedule with the other things I have planned.”

I set a boundary (will be speaking about boundaries soon) with her instead. I explained that moving forward, I will wait for 15 minutes and then I might leave. The decision to leave will have nothing to do with her or me but that 15-minute window of time is all that I will wait for.

I shifted the control to what I can do if she is late – I can leave, or I can stay. But what I can’t do is be upset if she shows up after the 15-minute window.

It has changed our relationship. She said that she felt the tension and thought I was mad at her. That was over 10 years ago. She has been on time ever since.

Understanding that we can’t control people through manuals allows us to have better, long-lasting, and conflict-free relationships.

You need to ensure that your emotional happiness is not dependent on the other person doing or not doing what you ask for and that you are not manipulating people to behave the way you want them to behave so that you feel better. That’s when you’re going to get yourself into a spiral of negativity. That’s the manual.

Your happiness comes from you. In fact, it doesn’t matter who your husband, wife, or friend does or doesn’t do when it comes to your own emotional happiness. People that we are compatible with, just make it easier.

Let’s discuss! Commencing this Friday, May 15th at 3:30 pm, I will be opening the doors to my life coaching webinars. We’ll be discussing the Monday Morning Message of the week and I’ll be taking questions before the webinar via the comments section of the YouTube video and live during the discussion. I invite you to join me and dig in more on this game changing topic.

RSVP to Doreen’s Complimentary Webinar

Stay healthy in mind and body

Doreen Yaffa
Board Certified Marital & Family Attorney, Life Coach

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