Yaffa Family Law Group
By: Doreen Yaffa

Monday Message: November 16, 2020


Stuck? Here’s How To More Forward.

I love this quote from my mentor coach, Brooke Castillo: “There’s the pain of standing still and the pain of moving forward. If there’s pain either way, wouldn’t you rather be moving forward?”

When we are stuck in a situation that is habitually causing us so much turmoil, heartache, and pain, we have to have a conversation with ourselves: “Self, why are you staying in this painful situation?”

The answer requires us to dig deep and to turn off our primitive brain that keeps us stuck. Our primitive brain says: “Well, it may not be great but at least we know what to expect. Going out there is scary, it will require you to be challenged and grow and why would you want to do that when you can stay right here where you are, where it may not be the greatest but at least you know what to expect?”

But when we turn off our primitive brain (we as humans are the only species that has the power to do this) and turn up the volume on our prefrontal cortex, it can help us to think rationally. It helps us see that while facing the unknown future is scary and challenging, we will be ok – we won’t die trying. We can get to the other side of the discomfort, to a much better place. It gives us hope and it drives us forward to great things. That’s how we reach any goal.

I see this time and again with my clients while deciding if they should move forward with a divorce. Some clients are ready to move on and face their unknown single future head-on. Others are reluctant and hold on to what they know, even though it is literally stripping them of their existence. I have some who consult with me for years until their prefrontal cortex takes control and tells them “Move on. It will be ok, you’ve got this.”

Most people that take the leap to get out, end up in such a better place. So why stay in pain that keeps you trapped in a place that is not where you want or deserves to be?

In fact, the saddest thing about not moving forward is not the pain of staying stuck, it’s never being able to realize that amazing life you could have had.

Wishing you an amazing week.

Doreen Yaffa
Board Certified Marital & Family Attorney, Life Coach

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