Yaffa Family Law Group
By: Doreen Yaffa

Monday Message: October 5, 2020

Looking Forward: Building an Amazing Life

Feel All the Failure Feels

What did you do the last time you failed at something?

Maybe it was a minor setback or a major life-changing failure. Either way, chances are you experienced an emotional response.

Then what happened? Did you binge eat or indulge in one too many glasses of wine? Did you do the infamous “retail therapy”? How did you cope?

Over time, humans have developed coping mechanisms to deal with major stress. But what is major? We don’t have the same stress as our ancestors did. A global pandemic is stressful but certainly not as dangerous as living through a world war.

So how are you coping? I urge you to resist the temptation to indulge and sit with your feelings instead.

My clients come to me and want to stop feeling the stress, anxiety, and loneliness that a divorce causes. While we work through the legal stress and offer peace of mind, I also encourage them to take time alone and evaluate their feelings.

When we start to become comfortable with feeling all the emotions that come with failure, we begin to adapt. We learn that it’s not as horrible as we thought it was and those goals that previously scared us weren’t as scary. If we fail again, we are able to cope with those feelings, learn, and do move on to something even better.

This week I encourage you to sit alone quietly and feel all your feelings. Maybe you need to journal or take a long walk alone. Let the emotions come and be ok with being uncomfortable.

Send me a note and tell me how you feel after doing this three times. I’d love to learn what you unlock from this exercise.
Stay healthy in mind and body and have an amazing rest of the week.


Doreen Yaffa
Board Certified Marital & Family Attorney, Life Coach

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