How can I do this alone? Will I have enough money to keep my house? Will I have to go back to work full time? Will I have to give her/him all my money? What about my kids? How can I do this to my kids? Am I only going to see them on weekends? What about the holidays?
Many people have probably asked themselves these same questions when contemplating getting a divorce. Especially if they have kids. Parent guilt is real. Many of those same people have talked themselves out of a divorce because of their kids. “Oh, I will just stick it out until they get a little older and can understand,” then later becomes, “ I will just stay until they go to college,” and before you know it, years have gone by. Years that you cannot get back. Years that you will look back on and possibly regret. Years that you know you would have been happier if you had gotten that divorce. There would have been more smiling and less crying. More enjoyment of your children, rather than arguing with your spouse.
Parent guilt should not dictate IF and WHEN you file for divorce. While it is not a decision to be taken lightly, or rushed into without knowing your options, it is not a decision that should be led by guilt.
- “Guilt doesn’t care whether you twisted over the decision to divorce for weeks, months or even years. Guilt doesn’t take into account the amount of courage it may have taken you to finally decide to divorce yourself from a marriage that had already been dead for years. But guilt is not the truth.” (HuffPost Article)
In fact, kids are extremely resilient and can handle far more than people give them credit for. They will react based on how you react. Remember that it’s okay to not be perfect. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to act in your best interest sometimes. Because when you do, your children will be the ones who benefit.
- “Kids need to see that their parents can experience difficult emotions and still get through them. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time, and showing your kids resilience through vulnerability gives them the tools and confidence to manage the bumps they may experience in their own lives going forward.” (Divorced Moms Article)
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